Thursday 11 April 2019

I think if I am not careful

I could very easily become a recluse. Over the decades, the few friends I have had, have drifted away. Not by location, no, they are still around, so what has happened?

We all accept that life moves on but I find it odd that people can't still spare you a few moments of their existence, once in a blue moon. You know how it goes. Visits are longer inbetween, telephone calls and other social media messages reduce. You become the one always getting in touch, rather than them.

You decide to get in touch less to see if they notice, nope! You leave a longer and longer gap then get in touch again. Still no response.

I used to have two very good friends in the village. We all moved into work, our children grew up and social interaction reduced, as expected. One chose to hardly be in touch at all other than to flout her new best buddy relationship!! Nearly two decades passed before we bumped into each other and she started sending a Christmas card. I could have started it all up again but chose not to.

The other one had many grand children arrive and I would have expected her time to be reduced but had hoped to still be invited up occasionally to meet grand children. Nope! She went on to have a life threatening illness. I wasn't made aware of it and only found out, 1 year afterwards, when having got in touch for the umpteenth time, got invited for coffee. Since then - zilch.

It doesn't just happen with friends either.

There are times when I feel like a secretary. Times when I feel I am flogging a dead horse, trying to get a response. It has, at low moments, the capacity to make me feel completely unwanted, unloved and at its worst, wondering if they would miss me...

22 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you feel that way...Sometimes I think the more we get involved in this fast-paced world, the less time there is for what is important.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Certainly maintaining normal communication seems get lost.

      Delete
  2. Don't blame yourself. This seems to be life today. We communicate like this on social media and yes it is sad. I still tidy the house in the morning thinking someone will drop in, but they never do. Friends from work or school or other neighborhoods just drift off into their own lives, as we have in ours. The mail does not bring letters anymore just advertising. The phone calls are mostly robo calls,not friends and relations. But I notice the older I get the more I don't want to drive to go anywhere and sometimes feel like I am turning into a recluse. It has just become more comfortable in my own home, my own garden, my own books. Even shopping has become online from the comfort of my chair. Thank you for your observations today. They have certainly made me reflective of my life. And, yes, you are valued and would be missed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it doesn’t help we are on different social media therefore when they post, they forget not everyone is included.

      Delete
  3. I'm really saddened that you've been made to feel like this. I can assure you that we, your readers, would miss you, so please don't think nobody would. I've come to the conclusion that some people just breeze through life on a very superficial level, oblivious to how others feel - they just seem to take without it occurring to them that friendship is a two-way thing. I can understand your feelings, as I've experienced something very similar recently - a long-time best friend, who I thought I'd be friends with forever, has proven to be a fair-weather friend only, who has proved to be no support whatsoever during our troubles of the past year. And no it's not just friends either - family also sometimes act like we've fallen off the planet. Until or unless they want something from us. Please know that I love reading your blog, I may not comment on every post but do ALWAYS read and appreciate everything you write about. I care xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. Maybe it gets worse as we age, I don’t know. There was such fun in vocal conversation rather than digital ones. Also We worry about upsetting people when really we are the ones who get upset.

      Delete
  4. Yes, like Sooze, I read your posts regularly and would miss them if they disappeared. Sadly the pattern of life now is such that people are unwilling to recognise the cost of commitment to a friendship. Its much easier just to click 'like' on a facebook post and consider our duty done. I will be retiring to Norfolk in 2 years time, and confess that I am already noting which East Anglian Blogs I enjoy most, in the hopes of meeting up for coffee with some of you in the future. REAL coffee, not VIRTUAL conversation! One other thing - you can at least have a little rant on the blog to 'everyone out there', and it feels easier than whingeing to one person 'in the flesh'. Keep going friend, summer is coming!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I live to far to invite you to tea but I do enjoy writing notes and sending cards and would enjoy having posts from the UK if you are interested. Not sure of the cost to mail.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, might take you up on that. What country are you in?

      Delete
  6. I would love to let rip but don’t know if it would make things worse. I made today’s post as polite as possible.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Let's make a plan to meet up when Angela retires to Norfolk!

    I've been hopeless at making friends over the years - too many years spent being busy on the smallholding just with Colin, now I'm regretting it and friends we did have faded away since Colin died.I've tried to keep in touch but it's hard work

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And when it’s such hard work, that just makes it feel worse doesn’t it?

      Delete
  8. What a pity we don't all live in the same area!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I must say that I have one or two good friends and that is it. Really there are times when I would much rather stay at home and enjoy my own company.

    God bless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are staying in more than we used to but don’t want it to become the norm just yet.

      Delete
  10. Hello, I've been reading here (popping over from The Cottage at the End of a Lane) for a while now. I'm an Aussie and long to live (at least for a bit of my life!) somewhere in the UK - so I live vicariously through all the lovely blogs instead for now! I just wanted to say that I agree with all you've said. I firmly believe it's the internet and smart phones that give us the sense of socialising and reaching out to others, even though we socialise less in real life. I think we get all sorts of info, input and even, dare I say, 'friends' from our little boxes and are lulled into a false sense of familiarity or fulfilment with this. However, I reckon it's all to our detriment because we don't make close connections and we do all need those. Making friends via the internet is lovely but doesn't really cut it when it comes to needing a hug, seeing a smiling face or having a comfortable natter over a cuppa!
    I have to say that I feel sorry for my children's generation - I dont think they will ever really know what its like to sort out their woes over the kitchen table!
    Thanks for your thoughts - I really enjoy visiting, even only via this cyber world ;) Evi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cyber world is better than nothing, so thanks, but a physical presence is better still.

      Delete
  11. I know exactly what you mean. I always wonder that when it is I who has always made the effort to arrange a meeting if the other person really wants to be there. We appear to have a really enjoyable time but the thought is always there. I am often tempted just to wait and see whether the other person suggests a meeting next time one is overdue but am fearful of what mey transpire!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I know what you mean. I enjoy my own company so I don't feel lonely on my own but I do wonder why friends and family are so distant. And yes, you do get tired of being the one to make the effort.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I enjoy my own company to a certain extent but miss the odd hug and hello, or a cup of tea and a chat.

      Delete

I love hearing from you, will read all your comments and try and answer any questions you leave. Please leave comments in English. Don't forget to come back and read my reply! All comments are moderated so if you try to link it to a commercial web site, it will not be published.