My very essence is made up of multi dimentional and multicoloured boxes. A weird statement you have to admit but only recently, have I realised this. Its makes things so much easier to understand and deal with. It simply is who I am, what nature and nurture has made me. It doesn't mean I can't or won't change. After all, they are my boxes and I am in charge of what to do with them.
I figured this out during nurse training, it was reinforced during my Fine Art course. It hit me out of the blue, was slightly overwhelming to begin with, but has continued to make more sense as I age.
Think of it like this.
Life experiences, good and bad, are filed away into a series of boxes. They metaphorically live under the bed or rather in the darker reaches of the brain where a large torch is needed and holding the hand of James Bond or Indiana Jones wouldn't go amiss!
A lot of people ignore them once filed and just get on with things, seemingly unaffacted. Others ignore them for different reasons, that is up to them. Some people take them out, shudder at what they contain, allow them to fester some more before putting them back.
I examine all mine, almost routinely, when I feel I am not coping. I find my torch to see if I can find the box that is causing the problem. Boxes are opened, their contents dragged out and scattered all around me. Elements are filed away for when I am stronger or have the knowledge on how to deal with them. Others are dealt with, with newly gained knowledge and some thrown away. Anything else left in there is filed back under the bed. It can be very daunting but also very cathartic.
There are occasions when I simply can't find what I am looking for, what is causing the problem. Other occasions when I know what is causing the problem but simply don't know how to deal with it for the best. This is when my depression surfaces.
I don't find depression scary, it is what it is, it is part of me. It too is multi dimentional and multi coloured. For some, depression is caused by life events. For others a chemical imbalance in the brain is the cause. It can either be intermittent or permanently there.
I can live with and deal with my underlying depression quite easily most of the time because I don't let it define me. It simply simmers below the surface waiting for a chance to surface and cause havoc. It has surfaced, it will be dealt with and kicked back into touch. I might be able to sort it out, I might not and will need help.
Depression is a strange bedfellow but it is my bedfellow.