Death would appear to be silently walking the corridors of our family unit once again, barring a miracle, but miracles do happen! I don't wish to say who it is but the news is not good and has almost come out of the blue and obviously a great shock to the person involved and to us as a family.
They went to the doctor's quite ill with what they thought was one possible illness, had bloods taken, expecting them to be a week before being returned but they were back the next day! For the family of the person involved, they have been on a whirlwind tour of hospital appointments and nothing but praise can be heaped on the NHS for their speed.
More appointments to come, more scans, tests and either a treatment plan, or a possible time 'left' prognosis. I'm never sure about those as although they can be useful to allow someone to assimilate and possibly begin preparing, they are often not accurate. My friend B., was given a few months but died 3 weeks later.
Anyway, one thing is for sure, as hard as it is to accept, we are all born to die, there is no getting away from it. How we deal with these things is very much an individual experience, both for those actually affected, as well as their family and friends.
I ended a phone call the other day, to another family member, with words something like: "we must continue to live our lives and not take on the life of the one dying". I am not sure where it came from but I think what I was trying to say was that we all process sad information differently, deal with it in different ways.
One way is not better or worse than another. What is right for one is not right for another. For those outside the immediate family involved, we have to try, where possible, to carry on living through the process and not give into it in such a way that we die as well, that we stop living.
Such an attitude might seem heartless to those who deal with things differently but that is their problem, not yours or ours if that is what you feel, it is what it is!
Do you visit or not? Sometimes, you can't especially if it happens in another country. That decision is yours and only yours!
Should you feel obliged to visit? I don't think you should feel forced into it if you feel you really can't.
Do you say your goodbyes in person or have no need to? Again, that is up to you. You may choose to remember them how they looked rather than how they look now, not everyone can cope with such a drastic change in appearance.
Should you do what you think is expected of you or what you actually want to do? Only you can decide but either way, don't be bullied into doing something you really, really, do not want to do. You and only you, are the one who has to live with your decision.
Are you crying non-stop or can't cry at all? Sometimes those who cry non-stop are told "to pull themselves together". Those who cannot or do not feel the need to cry are often accused of being heartless, putting their heads in the sand, ignoring the process, or not processing things "correctly". Gee, give us all a break, we are all different!
These and many more questions can buzz around heads making the process more difficult than perhaps it needs to be.
Each to their own self be true!
I for one am going to indulge in a weekend of tennis, watching Great Britain start to defend their title in The Davis Cup.
If you are able, have a good weekend:)