I must be a ghost! I feel as though I am fading into insignificance, with no role to play in life. A bit like a train wandering aimlessly on never-ending tracks, calling in at a friends station, or a role playing station, but no-one gets on.
Maybe its a return of the empty nest syndrome, but that happened long ago - didn't it?
I had an interesting chat with my hairdresser the other day, when she came to cut my hair.
was saying why, when she is a good person, and would go to the end of
the earth to help people out, is she without really good friends and few good
acquaintances? I thoroughly understood where she was coming from and
told her so.
When we first moved
here, I had one or two really good acquaintances who went on to become
very good friends. The kind you could talk to about anything and we would
all try and help, even it it was just listening. We didn't get in
each others way or become a nuisance to each other by over-visiting, but
would meet for a coffee, cake, and chat to sort ourselves out.
and university courses got started, one moved away, grandchildren
began to arrive for another, a new partner for the other and before you
knew it, we had drifted apart. It was me that kept in touch, occasionally asking to meet for a coffee until in the end, I gave up asking,
in the mistaken belief that I would be missed and they may get in touch
for a meet up.
Several years passed and
intermittently, I would again get in touch, we would meet up once or twice, and then it would
all revert to me 'doing the chasing' once again, so I gave up - again.
my hairdresser, I consider myself a good egg, willing to compromise and
help where possible, but just where does being a compromising good egg get
you - trampled on I reckon, by those who should know better, who probably believe, that because you don't protest, it must be okay to
keep messing you around, falling in and out of touch or not being in touch enough!
WELL IT AIN'T.
Whilst being willing to compromise to the nth degree, when and where possible, that doesn't mean I don't mind or feel deeply hurt by having to do
Frankly, I am getting to the 'self
preservation' stage, where it would be all too easy to either sever ties
completely (feels like cutting off my nose to spite my face) or telling
people what I REALLY think of their constant thoughtlessness (and risk
making the situation worse).
One thing is for sure
though, something has to change, because I can't keep allowing these
situations to go on, feeling so incredibly sad about them and feeling useless into the bargain, without a role to play.
still have another 20 - 30 years to live, but frankly, at the moment, I
feel I would be existing rather than living them!
Hairdresser feels the same - it is at times a sad and lonely world don't you think? Therefore, I have reached the conclusion that I must be a ghost - simply invisible.