Thursday, 9 March 2017

Are you a looper or a trouper? Part II

I don't have any advise to give here, sorry. I am merely raising the issue of whether it is possible to suffer and survive trauma. Can you move on and grow as a person, turn all that negativity into positivity?

Again, I can't speak about others except for myself and those on my course, who upon later discussion, again without them giving too much detail of their trauma, showed real positive change in their lives. Sure, we all had loops backwards and forwards, good and bad days, as such trauma rears its ugly head in very unexpected circumstances that on the surface, don't appear to have any relation.

Another lady I met on my degree course had also suffered, we kind of veered to one another over the first year. I think, outside her immediate family, I was the only person she felt safe enough to confide in, which is such a privilege. I think she felt safe, knew I would listen, not judge.

You would not believe the amount of people who summise that somehow, you must have brought it all on yourself. To be abused you must have somehow invited it, to be bullied you were a weakling or a coward for not better standing up for yourself. To have been so hated you must have been exceptionally naughty (or worse still, unlovable). What did you do to cause it! It must be your fault.

For the most part, I would suggest that if self help isn't working, that professionals should be able to. They shouldn't judge you, merely listen, help you put things into context, rather than do it for you. If you are self harming, suicidal or find it almost impossible to think positively, don't be afraid to find help. Keep finding help until you find the help that will help you.

Don't let anone put you into a box and leave you there. Find that pin prick of light and hope, kick and scream and fight your way towards it. Scrape, scrape and scrape away at it to make it brighter. Yes, there will be times when your energy runs out and the light seems further away than ever, but don't give up.




6 comments:

  1. I can proudly say I survived a horrible childhood.. after my mother died, I was age 2 when she did, my father remarried and my maternal grand parents adopted me. My grandmother, used to beat me for the least thing that upset her.. when I asked an aunt a few years ago why did they all stand aside when they all knew what was happening, she replied ..'I was naughty' But I was a child. I have had four children and now have 3 grand children and altho I did smack one son, when he was 5, it was in pure fright because we were on a train, one of the old type with corridors and I caught him trying to open the door, it never occurred to me to hit them in our every day life. Now in my old age, altho' I don't feel 74 most days, with a wonderful second husband, I still say to my grown up children and grand children, 'I love you.' It was never said to me as a child, nor can I remember ever being hugged. But I consider myself well rounded and bear no grudges... but I must confess when I take flowers to my mother's grave once a year, as it is 224 miles from where I live, I weep every time. I do put flowers on my grandparents grave too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well done you. Similar here in some ways although not sure flowers would have been placed on grandmothers grave. Guess that is a sigh of forgiveness.

      Delete
  2. I'm mostly a trooper, but I'm also a pessimist. I was very idealistic as a child and flipped during my teenage years. I'm trying to be more of an optimitic realist these days.

    Health visitors ask new mothers about their own childhoods on first visits for this reason. Whilst most abusers were probably themselves abused, they represent a small fraction of abused people. Plenty of people overcome it or at least ensure that they don't pass it on.

    Books, forums, support groups and therapy are all highly accessible online these days. Just reading blogs and knowing that others have had your experiences is very empowering.

    Thank you for these posts. I hope that you are doing OK and that nothing in particular sparked them. Sorry for the wall of text xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing as such sparked the post, just a chat with someone local who mentioned something. I guess an optimistic pessimistic is how I feel, although a trouper most of the time. Keep on keeping on!

      Delete
  3. Wise words. I had a tough time with an alcoholic in my first marriage, not abusive as such but it still bought a lot of other problems. I spent many years suffering with depression. Life is good now, but I do worry about the black dog returning. I like your term optimistic pessimistic, that suits me too xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The black dog nips all of us I think.

      Delete

I love hearing from you, will read all your comments and try and answer any questions you leave. Don't forget to come back and read my reply! All comments are moderated so if you try to link it to a commercial web site, it will not be published.