Friday, 20 October 2017

Communicating...

DB thanks you for your lovely comments on the Advent tree project.

When DB and I first married, there was no internet, barely any video game machines, no mobile phones and not all homes had their own phones, we did luckily. When stationed overseas, we often only had pen and paper to communicate back home as phones in quarters were rarer than hen's teeth!

DB and I often communicated by letter and I really regret getting rid of them, when we married, ah well!

Being an only child, I didn't want DB's parents to feel left out. We phoned them every other Sunday, they phoned us inbetween. No such thing as free weekend phone calls then and Sunday was a day when we all knew we would be at home. DB would speak to his dad, then briefly to his mum before handing over to me. In the end, he spoke to his dad to find out what they had been up to, and I spoke to his mum. It was not easy at first and often the calls were short but it got better the more we all persevered and eventually, the calls became more natural.

We also made sure we visited them, to stay for several days when possible, about every 10 weeks, they did the same. That way, we saw them around 5 or 6 times a year. One Christmas they came to us, the next we went up to them. We sometimes did the same for Easter but not always. This was especially important once DS arrived on the scene.

Was it easier to communicate 'back then' when communication was harder? It seems that if you are not on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or do FaceTime or Skype, you don't get to know what is going on with friends and family members. My cousins all seem to know far more about their cousins lives than we do, that's for sure. I shall have to stop being such a luddite and get on something so I can find out what everyone is up to.

Girls, more than boys, seem to communicate more readily with their parents from what I can gather in conservation with friends. If organising needs doing, the boys usually get their parents to communicate with the girls as 'they don't really know' what is going on! Instead of using a calender that has everything on it, individual's phones and computers are used, making it more difficult to know what the other is doing, wires get crossed. Give me a calender that has everything on it anyday!

DB was lucky in that I didn't have any parents to worry about leaving us just his to fit in around what we were doing. Two sets of parents seems to make life far more complicated. Add older children and animals and it gets more complicated too. Some I know don't like pets and won't allow them to visit which can cause logistical problems and ill feelings. There are often step parents with their own children to fit in as well and several sets of grandparents!

Children nowadays appear to have far busier lives than we did, yet, in our day, we felt just as busy, working, catching up with housework etc.

There seems to me, from what I can gather talking to people and reading blogs, that there is a lot of mis-communication, lack of communication, general feeling of being ignored or no communication going on at all and that is very sad.

In a world where there is so much social media available to everyone, how sad that people still feel ignored. As we all age, communication becomes more important, because one day, we may all be in the unenviable postion that some elderly find themselves in, of spending hours, days and weeks - alone:(

Our families, children, grandchildren and other relations, need to be in touch more, because one day, we will no longer be around and then it is too late. You can't get that time back and will seriously regret it, as I and other family members found out the hard way.

Have a great weekend.


9 comments:

  1. The charity I volunteer with have been focused on loneliness for the past year or so and I hope it's been useful to some people. We have customers visit us every day because they know we'll have a chat with them, and some have said that when we (and other shops, I'm not giving my place special status!) are closed over Christmas they often don't speak to anyone for days and it makes me so sad. To be honest, knowing that is one of the biggest drivers to keep me volunteering there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is all very true in my opinion. When hubby and I were at the "courting stage" we lived at opposite ends of the country and wrote to each other. I've kept most of the letters he sent me - just for sentimentality really, although I never get them out. I remember making arrangements with him to be in a public phone box on such and such a day at a certain time and we would ring each other from there. My dad wouldn't let me use the house phone (in the 80's) due to a large bill. I also remember one of my teachers at college saying "one day, perhaps not in my lifetime, we will be able to send messages at the touch of a button" - e-mail was a relatively new thing back then.
    We've got 2 sons and a daughter - all grown up now and all flown the nest. The sons seem not to be bothered with us anymore - we're lucky if we get a visit once a fortnight - and one of them has our only 2 granddaughters - which is quite sad at times, so we have to make arrangements to babysit or otherwise we wouldn't get to see much of the girls. Our kids had a nice childhood as well - no estranged parents, etc. I suppose it's natural that the DIL's veer more towards their families and I accept that, but it doesn't stop you feeling a bit left out at times.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a shame that boys seem to do that more than girls.

      Delete
  3. I can remember phoning my parents and Harvey's parents every week. My boys on the other hand much prefer to keep in touch via text or Facebook. I do make sure I call them at least every two weeks though.

    God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am definitely ignored by my mother. She never rings and has been to my house a handful of times in 6+ years, each time picked up by us. She passes the end of my road when she goes to town on the bus, but has never got off and come here. Making all the effort is wearing very, very thin...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have stopped making the effort over the years and once I stopped feeling guilty about it - why? -
      I felt great. Certainly our dad never made any effort at all!

      Delete
  5. So true about communication or the lack thereof! I joined FB in 2015 so that I could follow my daughter and her husband's adventures in America for their 40th birthdays. They live in the same town as us but don't use the phone at all. (unless one of them needs an urgent favour) Messenger is quite good and also Whatsapp. I have very few friends on FB-only thise with whom I communicate in real life. My DD and her DH are off to the Canary Islands on 23rd December for 10 days so that's my DH and I on our own for that time. Thanks goodness we are happy in each others company. Catriona

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bet it doesn’t even enter people’s heads that lack of communication can be hurtful.

      Delete

I love hearing from you, will read all your comments and try and answer any questions you leave. Don't forget to come back and read my reply! All comments are moderated so if you try to link it to a commercial web site, it will not be published.