Tuesday, 10 April 2012

So... how easy (or hard) is it to just be?

I don't have the answer but I am more and more beginning to realize that it is, more than anything else, a frame of mind or perspective.

I should have made some bread today but I didn't. For me, if I don't begin it first thing in the morning I don't do it. As can be witnessed from my blog entry for 5th March this year. Starting late leads to forgetting about it until it climbs out of the airing cupboard by itself, drags itself across the floor and taps me on the feet! Do I feel guilty - no!

I should have made some soup for lunch but I didn't. Instead we had titbits; a bit of cheese, chicken, last slice of bread, lots of fruit and some vegetables. Ah yes, and a good dollop of home made chutney courtesy of C., FDiL's mum. Do I feel guilty - no!

She and I both love to make chutneys and jams. Since DS. and FDiL. got together, we have exchanged them with each other. Its nice to make what you fancy knowing you'll get something different in return. They in particular, love my marmalade.

I digress...

Rhonda over at http://down---to---earth.blogspot.co.uk can say it better than me and I know what she means. The older we get the more we understand what makes us tick – hopefully. The longer you are with someone the more you ought be able to rub along happily. 

DB. and I have been together a long time and more than anything are great friends who have a deep love and respect of each other. We enjoy each others company 24 hours a day, laugh at and share similar thoughts and feelings. Its got to the stage whereby when one of us says something the other one was just about to do the same. We don't finish each others sentences, we just know we are on the same wavelength most of the time. That is a great achievement, one that has come about by working at it. It is not something everyone can achieve - more's the pity.

I think it is human nature to nit pick, especially thoughts and feelings if one is a little down. At times like these, it is easy to be pole-axed by a careless comment, action or even a lack of both. You can stay quiet feeding the deep resentment, violently explode, lash out, think how you can pay 'them' back or take a deep breath after thinking about your response and let them know that they have hurt you.

Whilst I believe that early life moulds us, that mould can either be followed or broken. It is up to us to decide whether to be the victor or the victim. I'm still on my journey, what about you?


  1. I wouldn`t know where that puts me in this equation. I`ve been through 2 bad marriages and have still not found the 'perfect' companion. DB has many faults as he has been through a bad marriage himself and has 3 delinquent kids and one vaguely acceptable to content with from this mistake in his life. He does not always make the right decision when it comes to helping these now grown up kids who find it perfectly acceptable to abuse his generosity with money. We clash often over this as I can see what their game is and he prefers to turn a blind eye to their ways. Money that we often can`t afford to give is frippered away by them without feeling bad about it. But, as long as we have no trouble with his kids we get on ok. Unfortunatly he always thought he had to be a friend to his kids, and didn`t instill respect or discipline into their lives when they were growing up. His ex-wife is also to blame for not having cared much about what her kids got up to. Whilst DB was out at work she let them run riot. We frequently have to deal with some unlawful behaviour of at least one of them throughout the year. I do love him as a person but find living with him is often very hard.
    I can not re-educate his behaviour towards his kids, so I have to make a choice of either living with his bad decisions or leave him.
    After two bad marriages I do not have the energy to wreck this relationship, so I just grit my teeth and stick it out. I guess you could say that it`s not easy for me to just be.

  2. Thanks for asking me on my blog. I`m ok about you posting the comment I`d left here. People that have followed my bloggings from the start know about my background. It`s certainly no secret. I leave it up to you if you are comfortable posting it here.
    Looks like you are one of the lucky people that found the perfect partner for life. I`ve got a feeling I`m one of those that has to be content with second best. Such is life. We all strive for the perfection but we don`t all manage it.

  3. M. is my 2nd husband Sarina. My first was a right royal b*****d!!!

  4. Well, you are second time lucky, then. I`m 3rd time unlucky, I guess.


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